Long Time....

What a long time since I posted anything on this blog. Almost a year has passed... I lost track, maybe somewhat bored or maybe I simply refused to continue. After all this years I've seen a tendency in my that I cannot continue anything for a long time. I'd tried many new things but could not finish them or continue them in a phased manner as the natural course of events.

So I stopped putting up anything. Also lack of motivation is there. I know nobody reads my stupid blog. Nobody cares. Its just few scribbled words which everybody tends to ignore. Anyway I did not started blogging to tell anybody my story.

Why I really started this is 'coz I noticed that there are many things I needed to write for myself & needed to remember them later in life. So here I am trying to continue what I started & hopefully with enough passion this time.

So where am I after one full year (almost). Well, to be honest.. nowhere... I am still in the same hole which I want to climb back out from. Which in simple terms mean I am still in the same class, studying the same subjects. I did not clear my exams last time... :(

I am to blame here fully 'coz I did not prepare. No matter what I do, I am unable to generate any interest whatsoever inside me to concentrate & study. I want to move on in life but it seems since the last 5 years I am stuck. It takes forever for me to start studying & clearing my subjects. A good 2.5 years have passed & I am unable to clear two very simple subjects.

As it seems I am not adaptive to my environment & situations. Darwin was right & I am slowly loosing my life. What I need is a dynamic & adaptive approch to my problems keeping a linear line of prepration so that I am able to concentrate & study throughly. No amount of distractions should break my linear path & I should adapt to firmly tackle my problems.

With this note I'll try to start again & hopefully will continue to scribble on this blog regularly. I hope I am able to fulfill my goals...

:)

An Epiphany....

Another chapter in my life.... had an epiphany of sought... My cousin had an accident & was in hospital. the same one I am studying in. It was a pathetic situation since I've not told my family about my academic debacle. There were times when they came close to know about my stutters in college. but thank god everything went down smoothly & the reality is still under wraps from them... for now....

The blog entry is though not for this episode but for the fact that I met many of my former classmates & I was depressed that they had moved on & I am still stuck... They are now junior post grad students while I am still struggling with my grad degree... Most of them were my friends who were warm to me on my face but I guess they will not be like this behind me... I get a slight hint when one of the mate was ignoring me.. we were friends not the best but still were good enough.. he hugged me on meeting me but as soon as he found out that I am still giving exams which he cleared he started ignoring me.... I noticed it thrice.... twice while in direct conversation with him.. he left without giving any indication as if he was in a hurry but he was not...

I felt bad... I never did anything wrong to him & always considered him as a friend... Sure I have a myriad of problems 'coz of which I flunked so many times which I will elaborate some other time... but the point here is that I was expecting him to help me with my cousins crisis which he didn't... I guess its true that you will know who your real friends are when you are in trouble & who reaches out for you...

The shocker was that all the so called friends are now don't want anything to do with me 'coz I failed on their expectations which were not really their but for the social acceptance they put me through to.... Its not like I failed in academics but I failed them socially & like a cancer they don't want me near them...

True colors of human nature...

Laid back...

Now I am really frustrated, 'coz I am stuck... I am a Medical student in seventh year.... giving exams again & again but couldn't clear them still. Back in school I was not so bad with studies, Cleared all my senior school subjects in one go. The thing is I never wanted to be a doctor, but my father insisted that I should be one. It was his dream, & he made sure I follow it.

It was an emotional stress for me to get into Med. School. I was given no other option. I am pretty good with computers & was very much interested in pursuing a career in it but my family insisted that I should be doing nothing else... even though I did told them I am not cut out for this & will not be able to do it..

So, I cleared the pre Med & got the admission but the text & studies is so boaring, I cannot develop an interest in the subjects... As a result I flunked many times in pathology... I think I made a record in my class. All of my classmates have passed out but I am still here, even my best friend has cleared all his papers.

I've to give two papers in Aug. but I have still not started reading my books.. It does not interest me... I am most of the time on the internet on my coumputer.. I don't y chat but just pass my time, even watching stuff to download.... its a waste of time & think I am addicted... my age is running out also, being 26 & having no social life, who would want to be associated with a fellow like me who cannot study & clear papers again & again..

Sad, I am frustrated but not depressed.. I get confused a lot & panic but not that I injure myself or people around me... Lets hope I get over this phase in a positive way & able to clear my papers this time around.

Pray for me...

Beautiful Weather....

This is a good time of the year 'coz I like the weather.. not so cold not so hot.. Neither dry nor humid as well.. The kind you would enjoy the whole year but can't... Shifting weather pattern & all..

Frankly cyclic system of weather is essential.. You cannot have all the pieces of cake... but still my point is that this is a charming weather which everyone should enjoy to the fullest.. get out & get going, The breeze, mild sun & cool air with all the greenery fills your heart. But one problem though, this is the exam season so have to dig up books which I still fail to adhere to.. I really want to enjoy the weather but can't.. I have to live in a realist world where duties needs to be fulfilled..

Also you need to have someone to enjoy really the fruit... But being stag its out of the question.. Not that I don't meet many girls but my lifestyle is kind of unsocial 'coz of the field.. Not many interesting persons I get to meet everyday, and all the ones I meet are already taken.

Nevertheless hopefully I might get lucky but I seriously doubt it... God has its devices for all of us but the one with my name is somewhat lost. Any way back to the topic the weather is good & rains will start in a week, really enjoying the mood, at the same time worried about the books I need to finish & also getting my life back on track...

Till next time...

Chao...

I am boared & frustrated....

Really what a soggy day it was.. It was sunny & hot in the morning but by the evening clouds came out & the humidity was killing me.. Anyway I decided to go to the market & midway sun came up the heat was unbearable & to top of that I was low on gas in my bike. I had to go to 4 gas stations 'coz all the ones before that didn't had fuel... Apparently there is a shortage but thankfully I got the gas...

I reached the market to buy some fruits & the old fella didn't bothered to give lower price. to top it all he didn't let me choose the pieces, but I was adamant.. had a small shuffle with him & got what I want with a tad bit lower than what he asked me.. The heat though was so unbearable with humidity that I almost lost it but moved on... got a button cell for my calculator... paid the elect. bill & got back to the home in a jiffy.... The heat was boiling me so chilled a little.... After an hour I was calm & came back to my senses...

Finally in the evening it started raining.. the weather became pretty decent... The wind & shower was nice & calm pose for me.. Now its not raining & usually there is always wind around my home but now its calm...

Anyway it was a boring day & I hope that the next day would be interesting... At least I will be able to start with my books which I had been neglecting since a long time...

peace...

Start off...

I wanted to start bloggin for quite some time but didn't knew what should I write about.. So much good is already covered, so I want to put down whats going on in my life

Since I am new to this scene I hope you will bear with me.... There is no obligation or its not like the words here are godly or rather important for anybody to read but its just the instinct to jolt down & share it with the world.

Its simple & plain like most people but have the usual twists more often or I think so. I am with my Ma, Pa & an elder brother... Surrounded by cunning people all around.... But I will have to make a run for it to survive my ordeal in this life.. Thats what all of us are suppose to do most of the time. Lets hope I achieve what I really want...

:)